keep the sabbath holy

hi everybody!

for awhile now, i've been thinking about what to post, if anything. i've enjoyed the different things that people have posted, and thought i'd go ahead and start something...

... for awhile now, i've felt somewhat frustrated, almost as if there's a tightness around my heart. you know that feeling that you get when you feel so "disconnected" from the loop, but you're still somewhat connected? i've been so busy lately, actually *too* busy. i definitely need another day added, just to relax and do all the things i want to do... but what i know is that i'd probably fill in that time with things that i don't need to do, because that's what we as humans tend to do.

a year or so ago, i took place in a sabbath thing that my quasi-old church was doing- what they did was offer the same service for two weeks, and tell half the church to show up for the first week, with the second half attending the second week. we all learned a lot about the sabbath, what it was like/is like, et cetera. it was very interesting.

i know that the lord rested on the seventh day and saw that it was good. many people say that jesus is our sabbath, thus we don't need to "rest" during the week- i totally disagree with that. although i have not read much of the Word as of late, i've thought often about jesus and what He was like. sometimes he needed to be away from everybody, including his disciples; other times he surrounded himself with his disciples; yet still there were times when he surrounded himself with thousands, and placed children upon his lap. this guy was just surreal, but when you reframe your mind and experience the paradigmatic shift that recognizes jesus as the lord and giver of life, you can't help but see that this dude was completely in balance, or if the scale was off, it was still perfect. as an observant jew, jesus certainly did observe the holy day of the sabbath ("keep it holy," his father (who-art-in-heaven...) said). there's something important, and something we're missing here, in the western church, when we don't know what the sabbath means. i'd like to know more.

lately, i've been going to a calvinist church (all saints reformed at brea olinda hs) but i don't identify myself as a calvinist. however, everything i've learned/heard about at that church has made me feel like i've been spiritually fed a five-course meal, instead of mac-n-cheese (which can be good in its own right!). i have so much to go in my "christian" journey, and within a calvinist framework, i'm having a hard time with five-point calvinism (if anybody knows what i'm talking about). 

jesus is the way, the truth, the life.... that verse, however cliche`, is still one of my favorite (if not *the*) sayings of Jesus. 

i'm literally yawning. dang, i had so much more i wanted to talk about/inquire/et cetera. but i'm glad i finally got something off my chest/mind. also, to be honest here, i'm torn between mccain and obama. i have been *way* out of the loop with this most recent political election, but i've been leaning towards obama (but i can't shake the fact that supports abortion). i'm having a HUGE issue right now regarding proposition 8. what would jesus have done if he were in nazareth/jerusalem and a similiar ordinance was being passed to ban/permit gay marriage? how did jesus interact with politics/culture- (the mixture of the church and state is where he suffered.). oy... i sometimes think i'm making no sense whatsoever. okay goodnight for now. 

-ssl

I hate politics

I knew our presidential hopefuls were doing some uneccessary railing on each other, as has been the great american presidential tradition--whoever can outspeak the other wins the office position. It is ridiculous. But honestly, read the blog below:

http://burnsidewriterscollective.blogspot.com/2008/10/john-mccains-latest-strategy.html

I know Obama is probably not the best leader for our country, and I also know that I wouldn't want to brag about McCain being our president either. Honestly, who wants to follow a leader who has to stoop to the level of making shit up about his opponent JUST to win an election? That is absurd. Frankly, it is embarrassing that these men (Obama with his overly optimisic and unfortunatley seemingly unrealistic promises; McCain with his worn-out war-hero jersey and bully-ish political tactics) are the two we've chosen to potentially lead us.

It makes me want to stay away from the voting booth, to be honest. I hate this stuff. I know Socialism is not the best idea, especially not for our economy (again, an issue I am not comfortable saying either candidate has a good plan on), but at least then we would all just have to pay more taxes and would all get free health care--and the poor would at least be taken care of.

Then again, Im no political-guru, so one of you probably knows something about politics, and socialism, that I don't and can probably level me on this area. Please do it, educate me.

All I am saying is that I am even further from supporting any one candidate than I ever was before. Its my vote, and its a shame that folks who support the major parties scoff at those who vote "independent" or "green party," but honestly, I am going to have to look into the aforementioned parties, because I am fed up with this Republican/Democratic bull___. The name calling is childish, and the plans for the future are wildly unrealistic and probably nothing more than a political move to "tickle ears."

there, I am done venting.

the introduction

hey guys. it has come to my attention that i've been invited to post things on this blog and that i have not yet done so. for the past few weeks, the internet at our apartment has been down, and so was reliable access to the blog. this break in service was due only to the fact that, since august, i have not gotten our isp bill paid. so it was my own fault, really. but i got it taken care of, so here goes nothing.

throughout my life, there have been continuous echoes of gutless irresponsibility on my part. from dropping out of high school with a less than 1.0 GPA, to taking seven years to amass 32 credits at a junior college, to slacking off on this internet bill, i have to wonder what my deal is. even today i didn't go to school because we had a presentation due, which was assigned nearly three weeks ago. i put it off until last nite, thinking it would be easy to bang something out. when i was on the verge of anxiety attacks, i realised that i couldn't get it done, and i had only myself to blame. i was too flippant with the assignment, allowing myself to push it to the back of my mind because it's only worth 4% of a final grade. but it reflects a pattern that is discouraging, to say the least.

it just makes me wonder why this pattern still exists. shouldn't the irresponsibilities of youth have been shuffled off with adulthood? have i yet reached adulthood? or will the road towards maturity last my whole life? i just worry that someday, when i have a wife and kids relying on me as well, i will struggle with these same issues and turn into a deadbeat. i just don't want that to happen.

in other news, i had a dream last nite that i was scouting out a place to propose and get married to someone. i found this awesome place on a cliff on the oregon coast, and was getting all the necessary booking info to plan a wedding there. the place was perfect, and i was overcome by the beauty and romance of it all. then i realised that i had no clue who i was supposed to be getting married, or even proposing, to. i was just a lonely single guy making plans for something that i hoped someday would happen, but had no guarantees towards. how depressing!

i find myself often thinking about things out of order, setting up plans for the future with no solid foundation in the present to lead to them. and the way this habit relates to love, idealism, and how i find my personal worth is definitely a constant topic of thought in my mind. and so anything i post on this blog will most likely be woven from this fabric. there's my introduction.

the DOW: whatever and ever amen.

Every day, my personalized gmail page lets me know how the DOW is doing. I didn't ask for it to do this, I just wanted to get a feed of the top news stories. It turns out that this hypothetical number is just that popular. 

Now, as much as i'd enjoy reveling in this financial mayhem, using it as an opportunity to gloat over the comeuppance all wall street bigwigs are feeling - I can't. While I do love seeing the rich get poorer, I can't qualify that love with how much pure greed is about to affect the middle and lower classes. Many people who had nothing to do with the mortgage fiasco or unethical speculation will see aspects of their American dream blackened by limited credit, fewer loan opportunities and rampant inflation. This crisis will not limit itself to the guilty. 

So how am I to feel when I see that number do stuff? I found myself oddly excited on Monday after it grew by over 900. I thought, good for you, little number! I saw it like a little plant that was gonna make it - a three legged puppy with the heart of a champion. But in the past two days it's dropped over 1300 points. Obviously emotions are not trustworthy divining rods of our economic viability... as if they ever were. 

So the DOW. While it would do our country a lot of good if it got much bigger very quickly, that most likely isn't going to happen. We are just going to have to trust something (or some...one) more reliable then a number based on the speculative, hypothetical value of corporations who have enough money to be speculated over. 

Maybe I should start praying more. 

wasilla university debate

our hope breaks debates with faceless malice.

underwhelming plebeian armies face nuclear winter

with hockey talk: statisticians regurgitate woes 

in fanciful reds and blues. 

mangled man! stand tall and spew

sexist rhetoric to our underwhelming

excuse of feminist ideas! our bronze calf

with blond tips. swear allegiance to 

her menstrual cramps and campy allusions. 

oh representative of angry elites, bite 

off your mortgage with a vigilance bowed

to the chicken wing eatery. convince us of your 

flaws, your drawl, a feux ami prancing like

gold teeth in the caskets of our 

foreclosures. 

commit sins! commit your party

to imprisonment and impish 

eloquence: you black-tied

terrorist!

our god is an awesome god who

seeks to see you stumble. 

who crushed your kings with

women bathed in milky blue dresses

and berets. you frog. 

you filthy frog. 

all hail 

hail

her majesty the

spleen. 

you, who calls burden among the working

class, classless.

more proof that secular music can do good

seeing sigur ros cleaned months of apathy off of my soul. from the opening hum of glossoli i could taste hope on my lips. the unassuming 4 piece from iceland transported my imposing hipster persona to a place of forgotten innocence where single notes lit redemption like candles before the cross. to be transparent, my life has fallen into a garish routine. the job which only four months ago was celebrated as a blessing now seems endless, inane, and most dangerous of all: beneath me. i wake up late, stumble in tired, and numb my mind with endless noise from my stereo while aching for another paycheck. i see my customers as chores to be completed. after each week of this non-life, i enter into the weekend more exhausted than on monday morning: i sleep in late, spend money thoughtlessly, and avoid creativity like a mormon missionary. 

this post-college season which for years i had envisioned as a period of endless creativity and boldness has become a deformed animal which makes excuses, seeks comfort, and worships worthless idols with a cancerous conviction. yet god has always used music as a knife. slitting the wrists which throttle my throat, he allows me an undeserved breath not as a man on earth, but as a spirit in his presence. and sigur ros was the sharpest knife yet. their perfect noise reminded me of who i truly am. an artist. a believer in the power of hope. an advocate of my fellow man. not a slave to a pride which makes routine out of redemption: the quotidian out of the infinite. and that is why sigur ros are beautiful. not for their shows, their success, or their popularity. they are beautiful because they inspire others to stop forgetting who they truly are. so while aesthetically the concert was the most amazing i have ever experienced, it was far more profound than that. it was a holy moment.